BeckyP’s guide to Weather

SPRING!

Oops I skipped Winter. It was not cold, then it was super freezing for a few of weeks. I dunno, I’m not really sure if it happened at all. But YAY, Spring!

Its bittersweet isn’t it? All the sense memories of Springs past shining down with the sun, triggering Vitamin D synthesis and weepy nostalgia. Oh, awful remembering! That one Spring was truly great. But it burned away with the heat of summer, only to become an inconvenient and confusing Winter. But hold it! Spring is new! Keep it lovely! The first daffodils! The pots of flowers set aside like a fluttering To Do list for park volunteers! We are finally able to go outside and do something for free! How about visiting a city park? How about specifically Bryant Park. Yeah. Its not far out, you won’t get lost, you can do it on your lunch break!

Something about Bryant Park makes me feel under water. Maybe it’s the park employee smoking pot in the public restroom, but I think it’s those trees. Smooth, knotty, curves implying a different motion than the one that surrounds them. All squares, suits and straight lines. Even the building that looks like a gold topped chocolate cake seems cold. But, those trees make me feel like I’m lying at the bottom of a lake watching sun rays stream through the prism of debris flecked space between sludge and sky. No breath. No sound. Just a buzz. Yellow and green swaying weightless under 100 tons of life.

But if the trees don’t float your boat, enjoy sculpture…
http://www.bryantpark.org/calendar/valdes.php

Or for a couple of bucks you can ride a carousel, play a game of chess, backgammon, or learn something called petanque. Its French for “balls”.
http://www.bryantpark.org/amenities/activities

If it happens to April shower, head on into the New York Public Library (the one with the lions!), its huge and reminded me a bit of Alcatraz but I’m sure there are lots of interesting books and maps. Oh I am definitely going to the map room, I hope they’ll let me touch them.

OH WAIT…I almost forgot this neat Spring thing! If you are down checking out any of the funny ladies at the DC Comedy Fest this year, you may also like to attend. The Cherry Blossom Festival in Washington DC March 31st – April 15th.

What’s your favorite Spring flower? I like Lilacs.

Happy Spring dudes.

————————–
AUTUMN
Ah fall! When the crisp air begs you to take a lover! If only to keep
your hands warm, sharing pockets and sipping Americanos. Gazing into
each others wind watered eyes, wiping self consciously at your wet
dripping nose, you lean in to kiss cold lips that change color like
the leaves. From pink to red. Autum offers an excuse to say, “Gee it’s
chilly, can I borrow your sweatshirt?” And its not just luck that you
both look a-DOR-able in it. Take your randy Spring! Your hot hot
Summer nights! Ah well uh, a well uh, a well uh, uh huh!…I’ll take an
afternoon walk through crunching leaves, fingerless glove in
fingerless glove. Everything seems clearer. The blue sky, the clips of
other conversations, the litter rustling down the sidewalk, all say
tra la! Tra la la! Then perhaps, the evening ends in something clean
and warm for dinner, like Miso Soup. Skip to under the covers. The
sweatshirt gets too warm, and you should really probably just take it
off. So you do. You still pretend you need the sheets, because the
breeze coming in window makes them feel extra neat and sheet-y! Cool
bare skin turns warm and sweet, and cuddling all night is mandatory.

So, do you like fall? I do. I can’t wait for the leaves to change. If
you get a chance to check out the Cloisters when the color is peaking
(yeah, bra…peakin’) it is worth the subway ride.
http://ny.com/museums/cloisters.html. I also, particularly like
getting lost in the West Village this time of year.

Thanksgiving plans? Anyone want to go down to New Orleans?

See you in Winter, when I hate everything again, and the dumb New York
Post has some stupid headline like, “Whadya MEAN Global Warming?”.

SUMMER
Weather is pretty crazy, huh? Especially the hot kind!
These optional ideas for keeping cool, may not be scientifically
proven to cool your “core temperature” but, they have worked for me
and/or people near me. Just saying, I’m not telling you what to do,
these are just suggestions..LISTEN we’re all hot and cranky! If you
don’t want to eat a popsicle don’t, i don’t even care! SLAM DOOR.
(open again shyly) I’m sorry that wasn’t fair. Here, have an idea…

Drink Ice water. If you haven’t done this already, you also probably
can’t read.

Don’t move.

Moan. But if you simply can’t muster it, staring into space in a
silent moan will do.

Eat popsicles. I like grape, cherry and rootbeer. What are your faves?

Mist yourself with a spray bottle. (Bad kitty! And yes i have been to
one too many jam band festivals)

Start believing this whole Al Gore nonsense and (when its not so hot)
do things to slow global warming. Here’s a place to start…
http://www.climatecrisis.net/takeaction/
Or HEY!!! You could go see that movie (An Inconvenient Truth) in an
air conditioned building! See any other movie, if you’ve already seen
that one of course, or if you’re a bad person.

I saw this a few times. Its like fashion and refreshment… Wrap ice
in a bandana (watch your colors please!) and tie it to places you
think will cool you off. Back of neck, armpits, back of knees, crotch
(wee!), forehead, wrists, back of arms…seriously anywhere it feels
good right? yeah.

Wear shorts already, jesus!

TUBE TOPS!!!

Keep telling yourself, I am in New York for all the right reasons. It
is the only city on the planet worthy of well, me. It is totally worth
it. The heat, the rent, the expensive drinks. I get to perform in
basements AND bars. Just think, in a couple of months, it will be
sleeting. Mmm, crisp, cool sleet.

Ride the subway. Once you get off the, humidity-of-atlantis and
scent-of-one hundred urinals platform, the cars are quite ummm frigid.
You can chip the layer of frozen sweat off your face and eat it like a
popsicle. New fave flav? Mmm hmm.

Now would be a great time to check out Whole Foods. Is the Trader Joes
air-conditioned? Yeah, specialty nuts and heirloom tomatoes!

Let tears of joy/cute/pain cool your face and splash like a gentle
summer rain to your bosom as you watch…
http://www.mikeadair.com/DavidNewSnail.htm

Freelance for Viacom. Maybe no health benefits, but most likely A/C!

Go to Seattle.

Stay cool and totally tubular dudes.
-BeckyP