“I would love to get revenge for all Mexicans who’ve fought against Manny. If you ask me that would be my choice, because he’s considered pound for pound champion of the world, and we can meet half ways and make a big fight out of it,” de La Hoya told BoxingScene.com’s James Blears. There’s no fancy [...]

-GAVIN AND STACY: No, this is not the name of the new Fountains of Wayne song (Good guess though!). It's the new show that premiered on BBC America last night. This show once again proves that British people are much more clever and hilarious than Americans. The striking thing is that this show is filled with quirky characters that on an American show would be unbelievable one-dimensional carictures, but on British TV come off as hilarious, well-rounded, and brilliant. ANNOYING! No, but seriously, watch this.

-THE FARMER'S MARKET: I have been eating tomato sandwiches almost exclusively for the last two weeks, thanks to the delectability of said produce, as available from The Farmer's Market. Recommending this is sort of like recommending water or oxygen -- we all know it's good for us, so it's a sort of useless recommendation. But I am flying in the face of futility and recommending it anyway.

-SLEEP: Another futile suggestion? Perhaps. But I have managed to get 8-9 hours of sleep per night for more than one night in a row and it has been fantastic. Recommended!! (I guess there is no such thing as "one night in a row" but you know what I mean)

Alright, clearly I just wanted to recommend Gavin and Stacy, but felt I needed a few other items, as a list containing only one item is not even a list. But that doesn't take away from my sincerity in recommending fresh produce and copious amounts of bedrest.

DELFINO ON APIARY -- HONEY SHOT -- NICE!!

http://www.theapiary.org/archives/2008/08/the_honey_shot_109.html#comments

This photo was taken by Cara Hancock at a show I did in Portland, Maine in June.

TONITE:

I'm doing a run through of my London show (at The Soho Theatre Sept. 8-13) TONITE. It's going to be
really short and sweet, just an hour long and then I'm going to open it up to get feedback from the audience
and reward the audience with a special treat.

Come and check out this show -- give your feedback -- make my show even more better.

With special guest Daniel Michael.

JESSICA DELFINO -- DIRTY FOLK ROCK
308 Bowery @ 1st St.
6-7 PM sharp -- show
7-7:30 sharp -- feedback

SHORT AND SWEET!!

F to 2nd Ave
6 to Bleecker St.

******************************

When I'm not hugging my panda, this is how I feel all the time:

I quit smoking just over a week ago. I hadn't made any big plans to do it but after a debauchorous night out the thought of a cigarette made me gag, so I ended up not smoking for a few days and I just figured I would stick with it. It's hardest when I am drinking since that's when the impulse to smoke kicks in, but I remind myself at those weak moments that besides the fact that cigs in NYC now cost nine dollars a pack (!), I am training for a half marathon. Plus I don't want to have wrinkles. Or die of cancer. My mom is a pack a day smoker and her skin has an ashen grey undertone and she coughs all the time. Visions of my future if I don't stop now.

So if you see me with a cigarette dangling from my mouth you have my permission to tear it into a million pieces and then punch me in the stomach. Seriously.

It looks like I hit a nerve with yesterday's post.

(Check the comments...)

I've never been called a rude, close minded bitch before.

At least, not to my face.

Regardless, I don't see how anyone can defend those denim diaper shorts...even the most mercurial, left-of-center gals I know wouldn't touch those things with a ten foot pole.

‘Cause I started to realize I do indeed care about the thoughts and feelings of others and how they relate to me. Things were good, really good. How do you write about that? And then they were no longer good or really good. The temptation is great but need to be fought off. Even scorned, we [...]

I recently sojourned briefly to the Catskills. In the Shandaken/Phoenicia area there are a number of local papers, most of which feature info on the local Spelling Bee Champion, news on the Rotary Club, and ads for the local fruit stand ("Alyce and Roger's Fruit Stand, Route 28, Mt. Tremper, NY" read one ad - no frills advertising at its best).

In one of the local papers I saw my favorite headline ever:

"The Greener the Better: Local Sustainabiilty is Inevitably Just as Historical as Our Present Futures"

EXACTLY. I think.

I wil be the first to admit that my blog has been filled with empty promises and broken dreams, but I am issuing a challenge to myself: Write in this blog for 30 days straight**. This might be really really boring.

**Contingent on internet access while I travel for much of September.

Here it goes....

Took some time off from the gym following a few lite tragedies. Rode the elevator with a guy who was trying to figure out if Hill Country delivered to his apartment (you can’t get the HC delivered). Forgot a hair tie of some kind. Didn’t mind skipping rope. Worked through some new combinations. Danced around [...]

Finally! An episode where shit happens instead of foreshadowing and brooding! Hooray for drunk driving, boo to no one being killed and Don having to hide the bodies! I got so into working on this one, I stayed up most of the night starting work on next week's...

I felt the chill this morning and decided to buy a coat. It's kind of ugly I'll admit but this coat is slowly making its way to my office.
Wow this cute lil picture is making me think maybe it's cute. It was purchased in black and I hope I guestimated the correct size as the virtual fitter didn't work for this option. It's winter soon everyone.
Also today I read a heartwarming story about how a man grew his very own turkey and then killed it. There's more to it but it quite entertained me.
I am also preparing myself for the ultimate hibernation. I made beef stew last night. It tasted better this morning after it had a chance to congeal and cool. Well it didn't really congeal but it did taste better today. Also in the works for my hibernation cave, a cozy for a bottle of Jim Beam.

I moved to here:

oregon (o-ray-gone)

I'm very happy to be in Portland, OR.
It's beautiful.
I have had great coffee, healthy and non healthy foods, and had the opportunity to purchase some quality sundries.
Just look at my hoop earrings:















and then there's the Doug Fir where me and my pal Brian got some happy hour treats for $2.50 !!! Like wha? and the huh?
and the who? and also it was perty in the Doug Fir. I felt like I was in a very hip log cabin. There was a glass deer head on the wall. I didn't take a pic of it because I was too busy with the food, so just imagine it. A glass deer head.
The Doug Fir sign:















I told the people I want to move here because of the air and the mountains and the such, but the people say that people always say they want to move to Portland and never do. I guess I'll be one of those people. I am happy to be on the West coast. West coast style. Colorful socks and Tevas! and mountain gear.
What am I talking about?
Our show opens tonight at the Winningstead Theater as part of the TBA festival. I hear the theater is gorgeous and I can't wait to see it!
Toi toi toi!

So Zurich. I'm impressed with the clean streets the straight lines and individually wrapped pieces of meat in the market. Today was a day full of travel and it's already the next day. When we got here we waited around a bit for rooms but while we waited they served some pretty coffees. My camera is all wacky since I dropped it and the whole front face fell off, but I think you can still get a general sense of what is going on. Juliana is kindly holding the cute half and half next to her coffee.















By the way the only English tv station in the room is CNN and they keep talking about the defective toys in China that were sold in NY. Oops.
Oh and before that we were in a tall bus on the way to the hotel and passed this stuff. We are very near to the Limmat river and I even saw a frighteningly large swan in the river. I wanted to say it was fake, but we all knew it was real and I was scared inside but I told no one.














After eating a $20 omelet (no joke) we (me and Jennifer) went to the market to see if we could find some fruits and things and I held up the line while I tried to stuff my bag with the goods I bought because I didn't want to pay for a bag and also cause I'm so eco friendly (sadly I'm not) and I bought these strawberries. Look at how adorable they are. Jennifer was right in saying that they also tasted cute. They did. And I felt guilty for eating something so cute.














Maybe you can't tell but they're so tiny. I have child hands so you probably can't tell but dude these are small strawberries. They were meant for cute field mice to eat but I have taken the food belonging to field mice and taken it as my own. ha ha.

And tonight we had fondue. I had the traditional flavor and others had ham and cheese and pear liquer and things. It was delish.















But then look what happens as it heats and heats and heats:















And that is what it is doing in my stomach right now!
Sweet dreams!
Yay.

The holidays blah blah blah now officially over. I worried. I fretted and now the start of a new year. (I am neatly adjusting my stack of paper and sitting up straight.)
But here are some memories from the past few weeks...















This is my cousin Christina enjoying some bubbly and showing holiday spirit to the acorn wooden bar post thing.















This is my other cousin Tracey (I have more cousins but that's another story). We're going on a walk and she's showing her sheer enthusiasm for walks, sun and Christamas pudding (an English delicacy that is served with custard)















I am paying my respects to Santa who in turn is paying respects to the baby Jesus. Santa, thanks for taking off your hat. Thank you also for the bag of Fiber One. I really love fiber and you, and your son...wait a second.

We move on to New Years Eve and to Adira Amram's party. Lots of pretty people, dancing and drinking of champagne out of high heeled shoes.
















Adira and me. (note Adira is dressed as New Years itself.)
Two cheeses and a 5 gallon jug of cheesey poofs.
Hard to decide which is packed more with real cheese.
















Baron Vaughn with a plate of treats. Always there to give a friend some food, that Baron. Actually Baron presented me with a plate with two small morsels. I did not touch either, rather I settled for a bag of vittles called "combos".















Me and my roomie Crystal. She's looking very doe eyed. This was before she realized I was throwing gang signs behind her head at which point she stabbed me, but luckily the knife only went in 1 inch. I bled a little, we all breathed a sigh of relief and had a good laugh.




And then the party turned to dance fever.














I don't know what this move is, nor do I remember how this happened.













No words. Just look.














Adira Amram peacing out. Peace good people. Peace.
2007 yes.

I am a receptionist. It is what I have done for years. Yesterday while stretching at my desk at the mid-day yawn, a man who works down the hall walked by and said "Oh, ha, I thought you were doing tai chi or something". Ha. I giggled at him. A tee hee hee. When he looked the other way, I reached into his chest with my strong disciplined tai chi arms, and pulled out his live heart, still beating in my hands. I then made a simple soup stock with carrots, celery, onion and a little bit of ginger, put the fresh heart in the stock and served the soup the the rest of the office. They all were pleased with the taste as well as the aroma of the soup. They exclaimed, "This is delicious, what did you put in here?" I giggled and said, "ancient Chinese secret".

Yesterday I performed at the fancy department store Henri Bendel. You might say to youself, "Becky, you don't belong there, that's where ladies belong and you are certainly no lady". Well, that's not very nice of you to say, but I'll forgive you. I actually like performing in spaces that aren't meant for comedy. I have performed in an Indian restaurant, a strip mall and just last week I performed at a BBQ. I think I should strictly do shows in places people wouldn't expect there to be a performance. I will be seeing you at your local Gristedes.

This here is Desiree Burch standing in front of the Henri Bendel entrance. Desiree hosted the evening which included performances by Jessica Delfino, Chelsea Peretti, Giulia (aka Guileau) Rozzi, Elizabeth Dahmen and Rachel Shukert. Wait, but look at the display behind Desiree. Those are golden ball sacks. Come into our store. Golden ball sacks await you. It's like the ball sacks of old money inviting you in. Come on in.

This is the stage we performed on. Look at the fancy gowns. During Rachel's peformance a lady came out and asked her to "keep it down" because famed hair stylist Fredrick Fekkai was speaking. I don't know if I spelled that right. I just know he does something with hair and is very important. He must have been saying something like "Ladies, ladies don't fight. All of you can touch my fa fa hands that have graced the golden locks of Jennifer Anniston and Reese Witherspoon". They were all holding hands and having a spiritual moment.

Btw this is not a shot of me performing. This was taken after everything was done. It reminds me of when I had piano recitals as a kid and after the recital was over, my mom made me sit at the piano and pretend to play so she could get a good shot because she couldn't take a pic while the recital was going on, and I'd smile at the camera which is totally unnatural cause when I played piano I cried.







Goodbye from Midtown. Look at this shit. Trees growing out of the side of a mirrored building. Thanks mister Trump.

The most magnificient URL in the universe: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castor_oil#Use_as_a_means_of_intimidation_in_Fascist_Italy

I like any dog-in-pool behavior that plays like an animated gif.

Also this:

A: I cut a banana.

Some people will undoubtedly have stories about their Columbus Day antics. I have no doubt in my mind that there are stories of naked dancing and making love in the streets. I however, spent the day in the way most responsible citizens in New York did. I cut a banana with a banana slicer. I have no idea where this banana slicer came from. I only know that I made oatmeal and simply stated, "I would like some sliced banana", at which point my roommate Tom brought out an invention I have never before laid my eyes upon. My other roommate Crystal seem unfazed by the events that would take place.
Please be warned. Some of the pictures displayed are graphic in nature and content.


















The banana was remarkable in length. Just look at how it measures up to our hands. Notice the chipped nail polish on my nail. It's time for a manicure.





















This picture needs no words. Just look at Tom. Just look at Crystal. All are marvelling at the banana cutter. How. How does such a thing exist? And what will it mean for you and me and all our future experiences with bananas? And knives? And what of babies? What will all the babies do now that this invention has made its way into our lives?






















The Process: Note the concentration. Not just any old bozo can work the wondrous contraption known as the banana cut master. The slices of banana must be planned so that each portion of the banana is sliced equally. We're talking balance. Crystal takes pause from reading to witness this great event.





















The deed has been done. The banana has been sliced. The wind blows through the trees leaving a rememberance of days past. A small child cries out for justice.

A Mitch Magee/Dyna Moe joint

Just saw this Miley Cyrus clip on Buzz Feed wherein she and her BFF Mandy tell the tweens of America what they can do to Go Green. None of their tips are particularly revolutionary ("Oh! You can shop online, even tho we're the worst...") but good, nonetheless. I'm not trying to downplay the positivity or reach of her message, but, you know, another thing you can do to Go Green is not mass-produce Hannah Montana t-shirts, wristbands, legwarmers, backpacks, pencil cases, shoes, jewelry, hair clips, makeup, bedding, folders, notebooks, stickers and dolls and then sell them at Wal*Mart. Also, if you really want to Go Green, girl, you might want to think about not gettin' that truck for your 16th birthday:

Last year I taped this thing for the New York Television Festival. You can also see my pals Brandy Barber and Ashley Sronce in it. It's a fun time.

http://www.newyorktelevisionfestival.com/mytvshow

Yeah. If it seems I'm acting strange it's because they prod me with a hot iron right before they shot this and after it was shot they threw a glass of water at my face.

I worked 12 hours today.
Deerhoof writes the songs I want to write.

I will write more interesting entries on the weekend.

In the meantime, visit this site, upload a photo, and find out which celebrities you look like.
As a baby, I looked like Walter Mondale.
In my bleaker times, I looked like Michael Jackson.
But for the most part, it says I look like old movie stars.
Most Walter Mondale babies grow up to look like Greta Garbo. It's just the way genetics work.

Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre, 307 W 26th St

SHAC:
Heather Lawless, Chelsea Peretti, Andrea Rosen, Shonali Bhowmik.

With:
Danny Cohen and Matt Higgins

Show sponsored by The Sound of Young America

Louis CK's take on my home country:

Alright. I'm just sittin' on the john at my friend Shawn's house (don't worry, not as I type), waiting to get rid of that medium sausage and mushroom I got last night from Papa John's (no relation to the toilet), and I start reading the back of the lotion bottle for, well, shits and grins. Everything is going swimmingly... the ingredients in the lotion include Water, Fragrance, Triethariolamine, Magnesium Aluminum Silicate, Urea, Methylparaben...

ERRRRRRRRRR! I'm sorry. Wait. Can you go back one for a second?

Oh, you mean to UREA*?

Yeah, that.

Wickety-wickety-wickety-what? I don't want piss in my lotion!

If I wanted to rub piss all over my skin, I'd date one of these guys:



Besides, I learned one of the most important rules to live by from my father, who used to say:

"It's better to be pissed off than pissed on."

So true, Dad. So true. Unless you have dry skin, apparently.

*Okay, I guess Urea is not exactly Urine, but still. Do ureally want it in your Target knock-off Vaseline Intensive Care? I think not.

Seriously, what’s the point? Isn’t a half-assed blog post a half-assed blog post whether it’s on Tumblr or it’s on WordPress? Speaking of, this was taken by me on my camera phone, backstage (or should I say side stage) at Madison Square Garden last Tuesday. This Tuesday I woke up at 8, not at 6 and had to [...]

This is us at the NYC Transit Museum. We had a little accident!

I'm getting ahead of myself, I know. The year is not over. It's not even Christmas yet. Well hold on to your hats before you steam them off. Jeesh. So anyway, before this year ends, I wanted to make a new year's promise: I will try not to write about the poop that people yell at me while I walk down the street.

I mean gaw, I hardly even post on this blog and it seems that every other post is related to something some moron said to me in the street. How interesting can it be after a while? But the thing is, in the moment it feels like the most interesting thing in the world because
1. I am self centered
2. racial comments seem culturally relevant
3. I need something to write about in my blog and sometimes when I'm mad I write something more interesting than I would have were I happy and content. Maybe I should work on this.
4. Does this list even relate to why I started this list?
5. Orange Juice

So, I figured, this will be the last post about "what someone said to me while I was walking down the street" (for now, at least...I am trying).
And here goes...
I was turning a corner this morning near my block and almost ran into a man who startled me. Our eyes met and he said "Hi Chinee". There. Somehow it feels better to write that. Hi Chinee. I wanted to get that out there. Hi Chinee. It rhymes. It's poetry. It's beautiful and it is something I will have dreams about. A crusty man saying "Hi Chinee" to me as he toasts me a bagel and lovingly spreads scallion cream cheese on my bagel. That sounds more perverted than it needed to be. The point is, I got that off my chest. Someone said those actual words to me. Unfortunately I did not have a good comeback to that. I'm horrible with comebacks. The best I could come up with was "Hey asshole", but that's not poetic. It lacks something.
How about:
"No thanks"
or
"Merry Christmas"
or
"Pigs in a blanket mofo"

I think I like the last one best. When is the last time you had a delicious pig in a blanket? I remember when I did, and what a memory it was. I was at a Bar Mitzvah party book release and I bit into the pig in it's blanket and the pig was wrapped in plastic. I ate it anyway. Man, I just made that pleasant thought a bad memory. I'm good at that.

But I swear, I'm doing just fine. I'm eating Goji berries. So really, it's okay.
And here's to less talking about inappropriate things people yell at me in the new year.
Love,
Becky

Today while flipping through the most recent issue of Rolling Stone (a subscription I got for the handy dandy price of $5. I love talking about deals. I have no idea why.), I happened upon an ad with two men standing in a lake or pond or some other body of water holding a large, what seemed to be fake catfish. Thinking that a catfish of that size could exist scared me. To my dismay a catfish of that size could exist, and it does. My ever helpful roommate Tom emailed me a link to this disgusting picture of two men holding a real catfish. Disgusting. Oh lord. Look at that thing. It's ready to turn and eat the shorter man. I'm going to dream about it talking to me and tricking me into believing it has magical powers and then when I'm not looking the mystically humungoid fish will bat me in the head with it's tail and swish off laughing in a deep mocking tone, and I'll think to myself, "What a jerk. You stupid ugly fish". And I'll sigh and go back to collecting shiny stones.

...but necessary. And totally heartfelt.
A giant thank you to everyone who helped with, suggested, inspired and cheered this year-long project. It was a long, crazy and not always easy year, but your support made it an incredible one.

Kevin Danenberg (my loving sounding board, photographer, videographer, donor and teacher)
Mom and Dad
Amanda Allan
Kristina Sepulveda
Maddy Mako
Cat Kemp
Kirk Damato
Kathleen MacNeil
Joseph and Susan Synder
Jim, Elga and Blue
Dan, Heather and Ramsay
Nicole Lapin
Angela and Matt DeVoe

Everyone at PT and GP (especially Amy, Alina, Alex and Sharon)

Glennis McMurray
Liz Black
Robyn Sklaren
Eliza Skinner
Dave Warth
Michelle Dobrawsky
Michele Laikowski
MJC
George Foreman
Louie Pearlman
Luke
JJ
Erin Rose Foely
Lynn Bixenspan
Katina Corrao
Noah Scalin
Mark Lee
Alan Fessenden
Caton Clark
Rachael Mason
Val Bashura
Sean Taylor
Tony Carnevale
Terry Jinn
Lauren Gilchrist
The Danenberg Family
The Snatchlebees
Jen Hammaker
Stef and Roy
Dance Dance Party Party
Sandwich Guy
Andrea and Peter Harnish
Dyna, Bill and Cakey
Carolyn Castiglia
Angela DeManti
Jodi Skeris
Ben Healy
Karen and Zach
Chris O'Neil
Christina Casa
C. LeMar McLean

And everybody who ever read, linked to, commented on, wrote about, mentioned or laughed with this blog. I couldn't have done this without your overwhelming support and inspiration.

MARCH
1 Woke up in a new apartment
2 Helped a pregnant woman who passed out on the subway
3 Did a performance of Blue Man Group on my lunch break
4 Wrote a letter for a stranger and left it on a park bench under a rock
5 Learned to write my name in Chinese
6 Took a shower with my clothes on

APRIL
7 Skipped an entire city block
8 Took a nap under my desk with my coat as a blanket,
9 Wrote a love letter to Kevin in pig Latin
10 Went to the main branch of the New York public library,
11 Taught my coworker’s dog how to do my job
12 Raced a baby
13 Got in touch with an old friend through My Space
14 Played, beat and lost to myself in Scrabble
15 Took a sweat nap
16 Learned all about Pranayama breathing
17 Went to Al-Anon
18 Wrote Punky Brewster fan fiction
19 Conducted scientific experiments on Peeps
20 Played theatre games in the park with a hundred people
21 Watched the film Babel
22 Created a stack of books as tall as I
23 Took over for my company’s receptionist for an hour
24 Rode in a pedicab
25 Speed-read ‘Middlemarch’
26 Went to an art gallery opening
27 Cut someone else’s hair
28 Read someone’s palm
29 Made my own organic foot lotion
30 Crushed a can on my forehead
31 Got diagnosed with a liver condition (and had fun with the urine sample)
32 Learned the Italian national
33 Read a poem in a public school
34 Took a yoga class
35 Did a 24-hour urine test
36 Made an online shopping cart worth $100,000 dollars
37 Took a self-guided tour of Fordham

MAY
38 Saw ‘Dirty Dancing’ on the big screen
39 Read a complete book of the Bible
40 Had the MTA refund my Metrocard balance
41 Made my face out of a potato, lunch meat, and vegetables
42 Rode the cyclone at Coney Island
43 Won a Kentucky derby pool at work and bought everyone donuts
44 Had dinner in my cousin’s new neighborhood
45 Tried to pay a dinner bill for stranger
46 Tried to find a friend’s stolen stuff on eBay
47 Performed ‘Beat It’ onstage at Galapagos
48 Ate frogs’ legs
49 Built Ikea furniture
50 Tried to cut the peel of an apple in one slice
51 Visited Roosevelt Island (by tram!)
52 Turned the cube in Astor Place
53 Hosted a dance party in my office
54 Gave a lottery scratcher to a homeless guy
55 Bought a My Little Pony
56 Flew a toy helicopter in the basement of my building
57 Met George Foreman
58 Walked a mile in someone else’s shoes
59 Took a bartending class
60 Became a democrat.
61 Saw Blondie play live at the Today show
62 Went to my aunt and uncle’s new house
63 Ate at Balthazar
64 Introduced my parents to my boyfriend’s parents
65 Played online poker
66 Bought a Mister Softee cone
67 Adopted an endangered species (blue footed boobie)

JUNE
68 Ate lunch in the HBO commissary
69 Ate in an automat
70 Went to a 24-hour drum festival
71 Used a digital multimeter to measure environmental resistance
72 Stood in line to get into a sample sale at the crack of dawn
73 Sent someone an oven mitt for being my 15,000th visitor
74 Did interpretive dance to the sounds of construction outside my office
75 Went to a roller derby match
76 Made my own hair conditioner out of food
77 Got certified in CPR
78 Learned how to make a purl stitch
79 Cleaned my bathroom floor with a toothbrush
80 Went with friend to a “silent party”
81 Carried a bowling ball on the subway
82 Wore a moustache to dinner
83 Walked around in an empty pool
84 Sat on a rock and watched the same ant carry stuff for an hour
85 Started an entry on Wikipedia,
86 Took the M train
87 Plunged my arm into a scalding washing machine
88 Signed a petition for a cleaner New York City
89 Made oobleck,
90 Made a house of cards
91 Wrote a fan letter to an author,
92 Played an orphan in a cartoon stage show
93 Wore a suit to work
94 Rubbed the Wall Street bull
95 Appeared on Who Wants to be a Millionaire and won $25,000
96 Made a donation to animal rescue
97 Walked across the Williamsburg Bridge

JULY
98 Test drove a unicycle
99 Wrote blindfolded.
100 Ate nothing but candy for an entire day
101 Walked a dog in Central Park,
102 Designed my own shoes
103 Scrambled the letters (like that Cambridge study)
104 Played Mbria
105 Watched kids play basketball in the park
106 Frolicked in the stream of a broken fire hydrant
107 Finished a sudoku puzzle
108 Bought ten tickets to opening night of a movie
109 Rolled myself up in an area rug
110 Gave Kevin champissage
111 Made Kool-Aid pickles
112 Went for a run in the rain
113 Changed screw-on lightbulbs
114 Let an artist make a skull out of my hand
115 Got my not-eyebrows waxed (ahem)
116 Took a one-hour walk at the whim of all the stoplights
117 Deposited a check for $25,000
118 Went to a birthday party for 90-year-old twins
119 Sang happy birthday in church
120 Jumped into a pool with my clothes on
121 Went to a holistic doctor
122 Ate gelato
123 Had breakfast on my parent’ balcony
124 Saw my sister in a play I also was in
125 Saw all of 125th street
126 Simpsonized myself
127 Took herbal supplements
128 Rode around in a chair outside
AUGUST
129 Triple rolled my tounge
130 Worked a WNBA game at Madison Square Garden
131 Made a photo and pencil holder out of office supplies
132 I played a game of washers
133 Made mixed CDs as a surprise for several friends
134 Took a belly dance class
135 Got fitted for bras
136 Ate a meal with my hands
137 Made a skull out of laundry
138 Ate organic baby food
139 Went to Camden Yards
140 Castrated a calf
141 Went to Musical Monday at a gay bar
142 Entered a poetry contest
143 Lifted 15-pound weights
144 Wore pajamas to dinner and a show
145 Made a customer service rep listen to MY hold music (me singing “Xanadu”)
146 Cut honey out of a honeycomb
147 Cut up a tree with a chainsaw
148 Wrote a letter of appreciation
149 Went to Bowery Ballroom
150 Made a lamp
151 Made balloon animals
152 Swam at Le Parker Meridien
153 Walked through Harlem
154 Memorized the military alphabet
155 Went to a staged reading of a movie
156 Made my own clothes out of curtains
157 Brushed my teeth in an elevator
158 Broke a lightbulb by stepping on it
159 Carved a heart out of soap

SEPTEMBER
160 Launched a rocket with my foot
161 Played trivia in a bar
162 Studied at Columbia
163 Made a reading haven in the bathtub
164 Made a slip out of a t-shirt
165 Fit myself into a drawer
166 Played the Great Dalmuti
167 Got buried in sand up to my neck
168 Go-go danced on a bookshelf
169 Hung laundry on an old-timey line
170 Listened to a book on tape
171 Hit balls at a batting cage
172 Bought a lotto ticket
173 Threw a smoothie party
174 Saw John Williams conduct his own works
175 Folded fancy napkins
176 Put 100 emergency dollars in the freezer
177 Edited an interview the President of Finland
178 Read Beowulf
179 Dyed my foot purple
180 Had a tarot card reading
181 Saw Rilo Kiley at Webster Hall
182 Learned happy birthday in several languages as well as “I like cake” in German
183 Threw money off a roof
184 Wrote in someone else’s blog
185 Broiled a salmon
186 Went to a Barack Obama rally
187 Played chess
188 Painted pictures in the park

OCTOBER
189 Went to a Medieval Faire
190 Saw a musical about Jesus robots
191 Joined Facebook
192 Learned an easy card trick
193 Visited a sukkah
194 Took a walk with neighbor Judy
195 Went to White Plains
196 Scored a baseball game
197 Sold flamingoes on eBay
198 Counted my steps for a day
199 Ate like a vegan for a day
200 Used an old-timey washboard
201 Sat on a yoga ball
202 Walked with a marching band
203 Pet a grasshopper
204 Peeled and ate a banana with my feet
205 Got a henna tattoo
206 Made sandwiches shaped like stars a la Cher in Mermaids,
207 Gave a man a pedicure
208 Did an interview for CNN via sattelite
209 Interviewed a dog
210 Went to the Chelsea high line
211 Played jacks
212 Served as a lifeline on ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire”
213 Teleconferenced
214 Made a crossword puzzle
215 Served drinks in a restaurant
216 Learned a Moroccan folk song
217 Walked around town wearing a ponyhawk
218 Started a swear jar
219 Carved jack-o-lanterns out of fruit
220 Dressed up as a Blue Man

NOVEMBER
221 Ate steak at Morton’s
222 Sat on the stage at a Broadway show
223 Thanked a subway conductor
224 Donated anti-malaria bed nets
225 Ate ribs
226 Sent a care package to a lady soldier
227 Listened to a whole rap album
228 Wore a leopard print coat
229 Ordered from an underground menu
230 Clipped a bonsai tree
231 Took apart and cleaned and reassembled a trumpet
232 Made grilled cheese with my iron
233 Called Japan
234 Had drinks at the Algonquin
235 Ate mulberries
236 Hit someone in the face with a pie
237 Held my breath and walked from one Starbucks to another
238 Started a book proposal
239 Gave an interview for South African radio
240 Tried to charge my iPod with an onion
241 Resewed a hem by hand
242 Played a haunted house game
243 Took my own blood pressure
244 Used an electric toothbrush
245 Ate breakfast for dinner
246 Drove a car on the East Coast
247 Did the Bloody Mary thing in a dark bathroom
248 Went to a vibraphone class
249 Met with an agent
250 Visited a speakeasy

DECEMBER
251 Uploaded a video of me lip-synching to YouTube
252 Went to a SAG movie screening
253 Went to a magazine launch party
254 Bought a skateboard
255 Named my body parts. Left hand Bob.
256 Made a JibJab video of me and my sister disco dancing
257 Took the Scientology stress test in Penn Station
258 Rode the subway in the railfan position
259 Googled and was freaked out by Ron Paul
260 Fit an iPod in my mouth
261 Took a shower using dish soap
262 Learned the Notre Dame fight song
263 Ate fruitcake
264 Watched an episode of TV’s Batman
265 Went to a party in Allen Ginsburg’s apartment
266 Watched a movie on an iPod
267 Cleaned my microwave with a lemon
268 Organized my sock drawer by color
269 Played a flight simulator
270 Read the New York Post
271 Made collar stays
272 Got stranded in Chicago
273 Beheld a leg lamp
274 Used a bellows
275 Napped under a Christmas tree
276 Surveyed Southern California fire damage
277 Visited the kitchen of a restaurant
278 Turned onto a new road
279 Watched Ratatouille
280 Complained to an airline
281 Wore a lampshade on my head

JANUARY
282 Made matchstick rockets
283 Polished my shoes with a banana,
284 Went to a memorial at the New York Philharmonic
285 Spit in public
286 Made and used a can-and-string phone
287 Picked the Spanish option on an ATM
288 Got someone to turn down their music on the subway
289 Drank coffee out of an unreasonably large mug
290 Watched tv in a cab
291 Scootered
292 Made an approval matrix
293 Sniffed art
294 Made a Broadway mix for a dance class
295 Took the Mensa test
296 Wrote a time capsule letter
297 Made scary tape faces
298 Took a Rorschach test
299 Watched a region 2 DVD
300 Played Scrabble for charity
301 Called the Post and suggested a headline
302 Researched the Hatfield-McCoy feud
303 Told a deli guy I would “have the usual”
304 Cut the tag off a product under penalty of law
305 Started getting rid of my callous
306 Saw an urban dance movie
307 Ppened a beer on a belt buckle
308 I ate ratatouille
309 Gave an interview for NY1
310 Took the Jeopardy test
311 Sent a postcard to postsecret.com
312 Started taking prenatal vitamins

FEBRUARY
313 Told a stranger she smelled good
314 Asked a cabbie about his family
315 Literally walked on eggshells
316 Started learning Final Cut Pro
317 Wore a bikini to work
318 Got ashes on my forehead
319 Celebrated Chinese New Year
320 Ironed my sheets
321 Appeared in a movie about a cake
322 Watched a silent movie all the way through
323 Made a popsicle in cold weather
324 Took a moment for Greenpeace
325 Played the spoons
326 Kissed the ground Kevin walked on
327 I tracked a dollar bill on a website
328 Taught music to a group of people
329 Changed wiper blades
330 Bird watched
331 Threw a paper airplane out the window
332 Read from a teleprompter
333 Wore underwear on my head
334 Sat in a box at Carnegie Hall
335 Shoveled snow
336 Ran a gambling ring
337 Drew M C Escher’s triangle
338 Drank from a beer helmet
339 Gave my phone number as 867-5309
340 Went to a bachelorette party
341 Learned to Zorba dance. Hopa.

MARCH
342 Went to a Big Fat Greek wedding
343 Spoke a half octave higher
344 Wrote with a feather quill
345 Commuted with a cane
346 Wore an eyepatch all day
347 Took a bath in milk
348 Ate crickets
349 Drafted a will
350 Walked to New Jersey
351 Shot a gun
352 Used a graphics tablet
353 Got acupuncture
354 Left a trail of breadcrumbs
355 Wore false eyelashes
356 Pulled off a tablecloth without upsetting dishes
357 Made a top hat out of duct tape
358 Played saxophone on the subway
359 Performed stand-up comedy
360 Took a boxing class
361 Danced around in a tutu
362 Delivered a singing telegram
363 Staged the musical of my dreams
364 Had breakfast at Tiffany’s
365 Hopped around on a pogo stick.
366 Very last thing, number 366 because of the leap year, I rode around a limo and ate candy because let’s face it, that’s your dream too and you know it.

Need Proof?

Here it is:

A man hijacked a Con Edison van after shooting a woman in the Bronx on Tuesday night, then shot and killed himself as the police closed in on him while he was stuck in traffic outside Yankee Stadium, the police said.

Or maybe he remembered Joba's fat head and neck covered in flies during the Cleveland series from last season.


Yankees Kill!